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[7. 13. 08 // @ 2 : 06 pm]
sooo summer school.

fun stuff. Its really not bad at all. It keeps me busy, and its a lot more useful than the monotony of a job. I am taking classes that will help me advance in a medical career some day, so I see that as more useful than a 6 dollar an hour waste of time. To me, getting into medical school and being successful in that field are really the most important things ever.

I'm not much of a blogger. I never really write in this thing. I might start to tho, just so I can organize my thoughts and relive them later.

Lately I've realized a lot of things about myself. I realized I should go to the gym more often and that I'm not as socially outgoing in a lot of situations as I wish that I would be. I'm now ok with going out every night and drinking as long as I'm with good friends and meeting new ones. I'm trying to preserve and improve my friendships more now than I really ever have in the past. I'm also ok with being outside of an intimate relationship, but would still love to find the fun and excitement of one someday. I've grown a lot, I guess. Maturity is really the slow onset of revelations that you find concerning yourself, others, and the relationship between the two. I'm farther along the road to maturity than I ever have been, but who knows if that means I'm anywhere near the end? I doubt I am.

k, time to study.
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[9. 14. 07 // @ 1 : 17 am]
here i sit. drunk. in a frat house.

i'm trying to find words that express how i feel. i feel liberated, slightly sick, uncomfortable with the workload i face tomorrow, not as cool as i once thought, and stoked about a full beer beside me.
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i'm tired... [9. 11. 07 // @ 1 : 09 am]
[ mood | depressed ]

it has only been a few weeks of being back at school. I'm having a great time here at the frat house, but at the same time i'm so lonely. all the work is already starting to wear on me. all i can do is keep trying to stay caught up (if thats what you cal this frantic chaotic work schedule). I miss having someone there to understand and empathize and help me through it. That's what teresa used to do. I know I could never date her again but i wish she would still help me out like she used to.

I used to think i missed teresa, but really i just miss having someone there...I don't really feel anything for her anymore i don't think. When I broke up with her, I did it because my feelings had died and I wasn't happy at all with her. Now I wish i was around her only so that I have someone to bitch to about life's suckiness at times, i guess. thats not the healthiest relationship, and I'm starting to think I only get depressed and lonely when I start remembering how I was when I was with her. I can't go back to that...I was so blah. Never again...

in conclusion...i guess i'm gonna keep truckin with my school work and keep my eyes on the prize (med-school!!). I'll find someone to make me happy again some day but i'm not going to want anyone but what i'm used to. And sadly, what i'm used to isn't right for me for a number of reasons. i'll be lonely until the fraternity, achordants and school work consume my soul.

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[7. 17. 07 // @ 3 : 06 pm]
[ mood | blah ]

i'm sitting at home. bored. and i miss teresa and wish that she would call me wanting to hang out.

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[6. 29. 07 // @ 2 : 57 am]
we'll sail beneath the starts someday
i'll hold your hand in mine
i'll kiss your cheek so gently
as the ship it rocks in time

the moon will light the summer sky
the stars will catch our eyes
but all my mind will think of
is your tender hand in mine

the wind will whisper secrets
as the ocean passes by
we'll sit in silence, not a word
will leave our lips tonight

our gaze may wander slightly
to the others lovely eyes
and all the while i'll cherish most
your tender hand in mine
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